The Art of Seduction
by A Star In My Universe
Summary: "I can see that I'm going to have to seduce my way out of this." Red, Gloria and Nicky get into a sticky situation when they find themselves hiding in Healy's office with no feasible way out. A birthday one-shot for Johannah-002. Happy birthday, lovely!


"I can see that I'm going to have to seduce my way out of this." Red announced in a whisper, her accent thick, as she crouched under Healy's desk. The heat that came in through the window caused beads of sweat to form on her creased brow, and she glanced over at her co-conspirators.

Gloria's eyes met Nicky's across the room from their different hiding spots, and whilst Gloria simply smirked, Nicky snickered childishly.

"What?" Red hissed. "You got a better idea?"

Nicky jutted her chin out, a smirk ever present on her lips. She nodded, blonde curls bouncing, and threw her head back against the wall dramatically. She peaked through mascara coated lashes. "Accept our fate and die with dignity."

Gloria rolled her eyes, and shifted positions to alleviate the cramp that had started in her thigh. "We're not gonna _die,_ Nichols," she muttered. "Always so damn dramatic."

"I think she was being metaphorical," Red explained needlessly, unaware of the daggers Gloria was shooting into her back as she craned her neck to look out of the small window on the door of Healy's office.

"No shit," Mendoza rolled her eyes again. "You always jump to her defence. _She's_ the reason we're in this fucking mess."

"Hey!" Nicky protested, her voice a little too loud. Both older women glared at her, one eye on the door in case a CO opened it and found the three inmates hidden, or not so hidden, in the office that was supposed to be locked. "If you did your job, then Red wouldn't be making us look for the work transfers."

"Watch your mouth," Gloria warned. "It's not my fault if Mendez wants to fuck with Red by putting the meth heads on kitchen duty."

"Zip it, both of you." Red demanded. "If we walk out now, there's no way Pornstache isn't going to see. And God knows how many shots he'll give us. Nicky, you can't go to the SHU again. And I'm not begging that fucker for leniency. Healy will be more forgiving. And," she glared at both women. "Despite what you say, I can seduce my way out of this. _Watch,_ little girl, or come up with a better idea."

"You're worried about her going to the SHU? Ever thought she might learn a little respect?" Gloria scoffs. She liked Nicky, she really did, but the girl was obnoxious at best, and at worst, well...she'd get another ten years at least if she acted on her thoughts.

"They don't give you enough conditioner," Nicky whined. "Despite the stereotype, you're the one with short hair. You don't need to worry about it cause it's always in a hairnet."

Gloria exhaled through her nose, finding it laughable that, from all the things in the SHU to complain about, she complained about the lack of hair care products. She turned to Red, who nodded.

"She's right," she said, without a trace of sarcasm. "That shit took hours and hurt like a bitch. I was tempted to use Freida's fucking oleander leaves on myself just to stop hearing the complaining and whining. ' _Ow, you're brushing too hard,'_ or " _Ma, quit that,'_ for hours on end," Red mimicked Nicky's tone, and Gloria was the one laughing this time.

"So, just a normal day of whining for her then?" Gloria teased. She smiled but it turned to a grimace as the cramp in her leg intensified.

Nicky's eyebrow quirked up. "What was that, Mendoza? I couldn't hear over the groans of pain. We've been sitting here for ten minutes. Ma hasn't complained about her back yet. Sounds like you're getting…" she paused for dramatic effect. " _Old."_

"Yeah, yeah." Gloria dismissed her, whilst trying to hide the discomfort on her face. "Get any other smartass ideas then, Nichols?"

"Divine intervention," she offered, holding up her St Joseph pendant from under her shirt. "It's better than nothing, eh? Oh!" Nicky said suddenly. "What about all that santeria bull-" Before Nicky finished her sentence, a sharp glance from Gloria stopped her. "Uh...santeria _rituals_ you do?"

"You want me to crouch under this desk with a candle, that's contraband, by the way, and perform santeria rituals to do _what_ exactly?" Gloria's voice dripped with contempt and she made no attempt to hide it.

"I don't know," Nicky said defensively. "Trip Healy up?" She snickered. "He's a pretty hefty guy. Could take a couple of the meth heads out on the way down."

"Nicky," Red said through gritted teeth, and Gloria was thankful that she was finally seeing sense about her crazy prison daughter. "I think that needs time to work, it's not an immediate thing."

Gloria threw her hands up in the hair. "Oh my fucking god. You two are like a bad SNL skit."

Footsteps could be heard from outside the door, and the jingling of keys. "Get up!" Red hissed to both of them. "Come and sit down. We'll have to wing it. Pretend we have a meeting. He's old, and preoccupied, he'll believe us." She gave a sideways glance to Nicky, who had peeled a poster away from the wall and was picking at the tape that had kept it up. "He'll believe _me,_ anyway." She yanked the now ruined poster from Nicky's grip and slid it behind a bookshelf. Her back screamed at her as she sat down in the comfortable chair, pulling Gloria up and pulling a chair out for Nicky.

Just as they sat, Healy entered the office. When his eyes landed on the three inmates sitting at his desk, his expression changed to a smile rather than a weary grimace. "Ladies! How are you all doing today?"

Red pushed her hair back and smiled wide. "Good," she announced happily, her tone changed completely from just moments before. "How are you, Sam?"

He blushed at his name, and she realized that she probably shouldn't have used it, but he sits down at his desk and nods amicably. "Very good. I'm assuming you heard about the meeting I wanted to have with you."

Red gave a glance to Gloria, who frowned, and then to Nicky, who held back a laugh as she quickly flashed her St Joseph's pendant to Red. She rolled her eyes, and then turned her attention back to Healy. "Yes, I did," she said confidently. Both other women were impressed with the confidence in which she lied.

He turned to the other two and gave a hearty laugh. "I'm guessing you two heard about the donuts I offered. Bet that was Chapman who spilled that secret, huh?"

Nicky didn't know whether to be offended or not, but the lure of donuts was strong, so she shrugged. "Fucking Chapman, eh?"

After a weird and slightly uncomfortable half hour where Red and Healy discussed translation meetings with his wife, and Red covertly discovered that the meth heads would _not_ be on kitchen duty, the three women left the office. Nicky stuffed the last of an Oreo donut in her mouth and saluted Red.

"Thanks, Ma! Lucky we didn't find those work transfers," she licked the frosting from her fingers. "Those donuts were good."

"You were right," Gloria said dryly, lips pursed in a smirk, as she watched Nicky saunter down the hall to find Lorna. "You were very seductive in there."

Red places a hand over Gloria's shoulder, tilting her head and staring straight into the brunette's chocolate eyes. "You thought so?" She leaned in closer, and her breath tickled Gloria's face as hairs on her forehead were gently tousled.

"Mhm…" Gloria trailed off, stumbling over her words - or the lack thereof. She wondered if Red's heart was beating as fast as she towered over her. Her blue eyes sparkled with mischief, and she resisted the urge to push the stray locks of hair from her eyes.

"I knew you would think so," Red said, leaning even closer though it seemed impossible, the space between them was so small. Her hand reached out and she tilted Gloria's chin up. "I've had a lot of practice."

Gloria shifted positions, her back against the wall. "Yeah?" Gloria said softly. "Is that so?"

Red leant in so her lips hovered over Gloria's ear. Gloria wondered what she was going to do when she began to whisper. "You have a piece of donut on your lip." Red smirked as she flicked the piece of dough away. She stepped back from Gloria, who drew herself up, a scowl settling on her features.

"Fuck you, Red!" Gloria said, but she couldn't help the laugh that escaped.

Already halfway down the corridor, and still smirking, Red called back. "I know you'd love to, Mendoza, but I've got lunch to prepare!"

 ** _A/N:_**

 ** _Happy birthday, Jo!  
I hope you have a wonderful day. :)  
_** ** _This is definitely not my usual style of angst but nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it!_**

 ** _To my other lovelies,  
I hope you enjoyed this, let me know if you liked it! I hope you're having a fantastic day and are enjoying the holidays. What do you guys think about a Christmas fic? Left it kinda late but I work best under pressure ;)_**

 ** _\- Star xo_**


End file.
